It’s so easy to hear terms swirled around and feel disconnected from them until you aren’t. Most recently for me it’s been, “the sandwich generation.”
The sandwich generation refers to middle-aged adults (typically ages 30 to 60) who provide simultaneous physical, emotional, or financial support to both their dependent children and their aging parents.
Earlier in the Summer my stepmother passed away, leaving my father widowed after 43 years of marriage. Caring for an aging parent not just in the realm of doctor visits, but also taking care of another household and utilizing context clues or none at all to figure out paperwork and benefits feels like going into battle with no resources. Resources that I requested but was denied for reasons I won’t go into. Much like working to put together a puzzle with half the pieces missing.
My father can’t drive so I’ve also assumed the role of chauffeur and sometimes that includes spur of the moment requests that I don’t process well often sending me into a spiral that takes me a minute to get out of (I’m in therapy about this part).
I’m overwhelmed with his care, my health, my nuclear family, work, etc. yet I still strive to take a least a day for myself when I can and sometimes that comes with guilt. Guilt that I know he won’t be here forever, but that I am struggling holding all this together…cause two emotions can exist at once.
My husband offers to help where he can, but the majority of the tasks concerned with my father lands on me. My husband has been a sturdy force. I’m grateful.
I’ve forced myself to attend events I’ve committed to when I just want to lay around.
Oddly, those encounters and events leave me better than they found me.
A testament that striving to continue doing the things you enjoy when life throws curveballs is indeed a form of resistance. A way of normalcy when everything feels like the complete opposite.
Resistance to the undertow that threatens to pull you under if you let it.
Resistance to feeling like you must do things the way they’ve “always” been done (cause I’m about to start hiring and delegating), a superwoman is nothing I’ve ever aspired to be when it comes to single handedly wanting to carry weight that I don’t have to.
Resistance to the fact that caring for others means neglecting yourself.
I’ll land on my feet, this I know.
School is back in, baby girl is a junior and gets her license in October. I remember a time I would’ve felt a way about her driving, honestly I can’t wait. I need her to be able to take herself where she needs to go.
My son starts his junior year at Morehouse this week. If I can tell you one thing, the financial strain of a private education is real. We continue to be blessed to make a way for him, but paying for this semester was stressful as we continue our desire to limit the amount of loans taken out for his education from our side and his. Federal funds have been drastically reduced and we felt the pinch this semester, but we got over the finish line. THREE MORE SEMESTERS TO WORRY ABOUT….so if you see me posting sponsored content, engage with it!
My garden is for the streets at this point. It’s hot and there are spiders out there. That sums it up. I’ll start cleaning things up in a few weeks to prepare for the fall garden.
Joy lately has looked like getting out and about, reading my books and taking in pretty things.
What’s been going on with you? Any tips on maneuvering in this sandwich generation? Are you ready for Fall?
Thanks for Rocking with Me!
Mimi
Le sigh this is truly what being in the thick of it means ! So much happening internally, at home and managing the elders!! Sending you love and sunshine!
This…all of this. Words can’t express how much I needed to read this. Thank you. Hey girl, hey! 🖤✨