Let’s get the major loss of late out of the way. I was recently laid off.
And honestly, I’m not sure how I feel about it.
I’m writing this newsletter at 4:15 a.m. cause I couldn’t sleep, oddly I’m not losing sleep over the loss of income (at this point), I’m more in this space of what I want my next position/money-earning venture to look like.
And while I know what I want it to look like, the brain wrestle comes in standing firm on finding a fit that supports my ideals and how I want my life to look. The truth of the matter is I value leisure. I don’t necessarily want to be an expert in anything, and I’m not really interested in running the rat race or being “important” at this age. I could care less about putting status/income over this simple life we’ve built and I feel like that realization is being threatened as I have to make a new pivot after four years at a company that allowed me the freedom but not so much a really large income. And while I was paid decently, I knew I was very much underpaid, but the freedom to be done with work at the end of the day was priceless to me.
So now I have a reason to go after the income, but that might come at a loss of freedom.
A crossroad.
One I may have to cross eventually, and that my friends, keeps me up at night. OR I’m choosing to believe that maybe I won’t, the perfect position with the ideal income AND the freedom is out there for me…or I could invent it.
One thing for sure and two things for certain, it will work out as it should and it’s going to be what it’s going to be.
Moving on.
On March 2nd I ushered in my 45th birthday with little fanfare and circumstance. Just how I wanted it.
My husband and I had a quiet dinner at Saints+Council and cocktails at the James Room and we were home before 11:30p. Kudos to him for planning those reservations perfectly. I couldn’t have asked for a better birthday.
Other Musings and Happenings:
I’m on the tail end of a fairly long health ordeal ( I won’t be talking about that). I’m thankful for a resolution and what needs to happen moving forward. Menopause is such a menace and brings out weird things. I’m just glad for answers.
I’ve recently fallen on the side of TikTok which talks about the black elite/ black organizations and it has challenged everything that I have thought about privilege in black spaces. One of which is outside of the community service affiliation, why do SOME of us truly want to be affiliated? (yes, I’m aware I’m a member of one of the included organizations).
I just ordered “Our Kind of People” from the library. I’ve read this before many, many years ago, but I’m interested to see how my thinking has shifted on such things. We’ll discuss this at a later date.Q1 got on out of here, it didn’t hold us one bit. I can’t say I had any major wins, but there weren’t any gut-punching lows so I’ll take the neutrality. I will say the weather really dampened (literally) my mood. So much rain lately really had me in a funk. I’m glad the sun is shining, I’m ready to start sharing my outfits again.
My good sis @SnackswithJack is on a declutter mission in her home that she has been sharing and once I knew I would be out of work for a bit I figured I would join her. We ordered a dumpster and have started to fill it with all of the unnecessary things we’ve collected after being in this house for 10.5 years. I’m so excited for all of this clutter to be out of here so we can start some renovation projects, but most of all to move into this new season of my being in a truly clean space.
Thanks for rocking with me,
Mimi
I completely understand where you are and how you feel. I too am ending a contract and having you reinvent myself, AGAIN!!!. It is both tiring and tedious.
I want to trust the process.I want to give it a God.I want to remind myself, that I'm worthy of something fantastic. However honestly, I don't even know what that looks like.
Pre-Menopause/Menopause is the DEVIL 😈 😤 😫 😑. And so many of us are suffering in silence and not sharing what that looks like.Thanks for sharing.
Maybe... you will allow us a chance to hold space. A chance to learn how to navigate this new normal with you. Sending 😍😬🥹😁
My friend it has a been a ride and like you I am navigating what is next . As you said I too value leisure and my time more than I do the accolades that come with a career. I know I want a life that isn’t centered around work but at 42 it feels daunting to be figuring out what’s next. Whatever is next for you I can’t wait to see it. And I’m always here to help in anyway.